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Robotic Customers to Save Failing Economy

Sketch of robot extending arm with big dollar sign
We must learn to think of artificially intelligent beings as potential customers.

World Economic Forum (WEF) sources reveal a new technological breakthrough that couldn’t come at a better time. Elon Musk will soon be embarking on a revolutionary artificial intelligence development– a robotic customer.

Bill Gates explained, “With the extreme concentration of wealth these days, that leaves a large number of poor people, and they don’t buy software and, well, we need to sell Windows to somebody.”

Greg Penner, chairman of Walmart chimed in, “Even though we have acres and acres of cheap plastic junk from China, we have a hard time selling all this inventory nowadays; customers are ditching us in favor of Salvation Army and Goodwill, so we are excited about the prospect of moving beyond carbon-based life forms as customers.”

Musk outlined his vision this way:

We will soon have driverless cars, but we want to expand our horizons by also putting non-carbon-based riders in the passenger seat. Not only can a driverless car arrive at a Walmart or mall to drop off a customer to shop at the Apple Store or Bed, Bath, and Beyond, but, given the limited number of carbon-based life forms being paid a living wage, robotic customers could catch a ride, and go inside and shop providing an expanded consumer base for today’s struggling retailers. We even have an expanded vision of the car itself placing orders from a central brain under the hood. Then, a drone could deliver the goods from the drone port, which will be located atop the store, dropping them in the trunk which–with precise GPS technology–will open exactly at the correct moment to catch the parachuting parcel. Of course, if the car wishes to just stay home, the drones could pick up the slack and deliver the goods to the appropriate garage.

All representatives from WEF agreed, now is the time to move beyond marketing and advertising only to carbon-based life forms. Musk concluded, “Stainless steel-, titanium-, even coltan-based life forms have become an integral part of our labor pool, but for too long, we have restricted our paradigm; it’s time to think outside the box and include artificially intelligent consumers in all aspects of our strategic business plans.”

 

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